Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
