the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
