How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
soo... how was my night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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