no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize