Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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