it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you traded sex for a burrito?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
