Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
