What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize