stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
