don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
