If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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