There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
