Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
