I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
