Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize