I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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