Having a random hookup so left but love u
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
