You made me cry and you don't even care
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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