from now on my penis is your penis
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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