we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
