finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he fucked my hip out of place.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
