Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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