You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
