I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
