She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize