Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
