Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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