It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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