And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
