Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize