ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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