And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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