How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Found the puke drawer
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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