The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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