Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He felt like a one man threesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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