Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
