I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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