I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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