i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
