Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
