Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
