i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
