You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you inspire me to be a worse person
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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