my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I could fuck to npr.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
