So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
