I skipped work to stalk him.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
