Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize