Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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