Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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