OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
