I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize