I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
