she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
