i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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