guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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