So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
