bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize