wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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