If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
