You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
