If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
