Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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