Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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