Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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